Beloved of My Heart

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BelovedofMyHeart
Talksgivenfrom3/5/76to28/5/76
DarshanDiary
CHAPTER
1
TheOtherisneverResponsible
3May1976pminChuangTzuAuditorium
[Asannyasinmothersayssheishavingproblemsinherrelationship:Ifindmyselfbeingverybitchy
andnaggingsometimes.IfeelI’mjustaskingforafightallthetime.]
Mmmm,lovealwaysbringstrouble–andithastobefaced.Lovecannotbealwayssmooth,andit
isgoodthatitisnotalwayssmooth,otherwiseyouwouldnotgrow.
Wheneverthereisachange,anysortofchange,thingswillcomeintofocusmoreclearly.When
changedisturbsyou,allyourinnerdisturbancesarestirred.Youarebothfeelingdisturbedandboth
tryingtothrowtheresponsibilityontheother.Justtrytoseeitinsideyourself.Theotherisnever
responsible.Rememberthatasamantra:Theotherisneverresponsible....
Justwatchit...justwatchit.Ifyoubecomewiseinthemoment,therewillbenoproblem.Thisis
wisdomthatyougetlateron.Everybodybecomeswisewhenthemomentisgone.Retrospective
wisdomisworthless.Whenyouarepickingonsomething,atthatverymomentbecomeaware,and
letawarenessfunction.Immediatelyyouwilldropit.
Butwhenyouhavedoneeverythingandfoughtandnaggedandbitchedandthenyoubecomewise
andseethattherewasnopointinit,itistoolate.Itismeaningless–youhavedonetheharm.This
wisdomisjustpseudo-wisdom.Itgivesyouafeelingasifyouhaveunderstood.Thatisatrickof
theego.Thiswisdomisnotgoingtohelp.Whenyouweredoingthething,atthatverymoment,
simultaneously,theawarenessshouldarise,andyoushouldseethatitisuseless.
Ifyoucanseeitwhenitisthere,thenyoucannotdoit.Onecannevergoagainstone’sawareness,
andifonegoesagainstit,thatawarenessisnotawareness.Somethingelseisbeingmistakenfor
it.
2
CHAPTER1.THEOTHERISNEVERRESPONSIBLE
Soremember,theotherisneverresponsibleforanything.Itissomethingboilingwithinyou.Andof
coursetheoneyouloveisclosesttoyou.Youcannotthrowitonsomestrangerpassingontheroad,
sotheclosestpersonbecomestheplacewhereyougoonthrowingandpouringyournonsense.
Butthathastobeavoided,becauseloveisveryfragile.Ifyoudoittoomuch,ifyouoverdoit,love
candisappear.
Theotherisneverresponsible.Trytomakethissuchapermanentstateofawarenessinyouthat
wheneveryoustartfindingsomethingwrongwiththeother,rememberit.Catchyourselfredhanded,
anddropitthenandthere.Andasktobeforgiven.
Andthesecondthing.Don’tthinkthatloveiseternal.Itisveryfragile.Itisasfragileasarose
flower.Inthemorningitisthere–bytheeveningitisgone.Anysmallthingcandestroyit.Infact
thehigherathing,themorefragileitis.Ithastobeprotected.Arockwillremaintherebuttheflower
willbegone.Ifyouthrowarockagainsttheflower,therockisnotgoingtobehurt,buttheflower
willbedestroyed.
Loveisveryfragileandverydelicate.Onehastobeveryverycarefulandcautiousaboutit.Youcan
dosuchharmthattheotherbecomesclosed,becomesdefensive.That’showonebecomesclosed.
Ifyouarefightingtoomuchhewillstartescapingyou;hewillstartbecomingmoreandmorecold,
moreandmoreclosed,soheisnomorevulnerabletoyourattack.Thenyouwillattackhimmore
becauseyouwillresistthatcoldness.Thiscanbecomeaviciouscircle.Andthat’showloversfall
apartbyandby.Theydriftawayfromeachother,andtheythinkthattheotherwasresponsible,that
theotherbetrayedthem.
InfactasIseeit,noloverhaseverbetrayedanybody.Itisonlyignorancethatkillslove–nobody
betraysit.Bothwantedtobetogether,butsomehowbothwereignorant.Theirignoranceplayed
tricksuponthemandbecamemultiplied.Byandbytheydrifted.Thentheythinkthatloveis
dangerous.
Loveisnotdangerous.Onlyunawarenessisdangerous.
Therearemanypeoplewhoavoidlovejusttobeonsafeground.Therearepeoplewhodon’twant
togetcommittedinanyrelationshipbecausetheyknowthatonceyouarecommittedandyoucome
close,fightingstarts,resistancestarts,anduglythingsbubbleup,sowhatisthepoint?Atthemost
theyareinterestedinsexualrelationships,butnotinintimacy.Andunlessarelationshipisintimate
anddeep,youwillneverknowwhatrelationshipis.Justasexualrelationshipisaperipheralthing,
andyouwillneverbecontentedbyit.
Thesethingsarenatural.Onehastoacceptthemandbyandbytranscendthem.Ifyoufeeltoo
muchanger,moveintoyourroom,beatthepillow,cry,weep,scream,butdoitalone.Whyshow
youruglyfacetotheother?Whatisthepoint?Justcathart.
Awisepersonmovesthroughhisunhappinessalone,andwheneverheishappy,comesandshares
itwithpeople.Afoolshareshisunhappinesswithpeople,andwhenheishappyhesitsalone.
[Anothersannyasinsaidshetoowashavingdifficultiesinherrelationship.Herboyfriendfeltless
andlesslikemakingloveandthismadeherupsetandfrustrated,andshethenbecameaggressive
BelovedofMyHeart 3
 CHAPTER1.THEOTHERISNEVERRESPONSIBLE
towardshim.Shesaidtheywerealsoatvarianceoverhowtheyusedtheirmoney,asshewanted
tobethriftysotheycouldstayinPoonalonger,whilehespentmoneyeasilyandseeminglywithno
thoughtforthefuture.]
Firstthing:amomentalwayscomesinlifewhenoneofthepartnerswillnotfeellikehavingsex.
Ithappenstoeverycouplemoreorless.Whentheotherpersondoesnotwanttohavesex,the
otherclingstoitmorethanever.Theotherstartsfeelingthatifthereisnosex,therelationshipwill
disappear.
Themoreyouaskforit,themoreafraidhewillfeel.Therelationshipwilldisappear–notbecause
sexhasdisappeared,butbecauseyougoondemandingandhefeelsnaggedcontinuouslyandhe
doesnotfeellikemakinglove.Hecaneitherforcehimselfandthenhewillfeelbad,orifhegoeshis
ownway,hefeelsbadthatheismakingyouunhappy;hefeelsguilty.
Onethinghastobeunderstood–thatsexhasnothingtodowithlove.Atthemostitisabeginning.
Loveisgreaterthansex,higherthansex.Lovecanflowerwithoutsex.
[Sheanswers:Buthe’llneversayhelovesme.]
No,youaremakinghimafraid,becauseifhesaysthathelovesyou,youarereadythereaskingfor
sex.Inyourmind,loveisalmostsynonymouswithsex,thatIcansee.That’swhyhehasbecome
evenafraidtotouchandhugyou.Ifhehugsyou,touchesyou,youareready.
Youaremakinghimafraidandyouarenotseeingthepoint.Youarepushinghimawayunknowingly.
Hewillbecomeafraidtoeventalktoyoubecausehetalksandagainthesituationcomesupand
argumentandthisandthat.Youcannotargueaboutlove.Youcannotconvinceanybodyaboutlove.
Ifhedoesn’tfeelit,hedoesn’t.
Helovesyou,otherwisehewouldleaveyou.Andyoulovehimbutyouhaveawrongunderstanding
aboutsex.Myunderstandingisthis,thatlovestartsgrowingforthefirsttimewhenthehectic
feverishsexhasgone,hasbyandbysloweddown.Thenlovebecomesmoreandmoresettled,
finer,superior.Somethingdelicatestartshappening.Butyouarenotallowingittohappen.Heis
readytoloveyoubutyouareclingingtosex.Yougoonpullinghimdown.Thatpullinghimdown
maydestroythewholerelationship.
Icanunderstand,becausethefemininemindalwaysclingstosexonlywhenthemanisnot
interested.Ifthemanisinterested,thewomaniscompletelyuninterested.Iseethiseveryday.Ifthe
manisafteryou,youplaythegamethatyouareuninterested.Whenthemanisnotinterested,you
becomeafraid,andthenthewholerolechanges.Thenyoustartplayingthegamethatyouneedit,
thatwithoutityouwillgocrazy;thatyoucannotlivewithoutit.Allthatisjustnonsense!Nobodyhas
evergonemadwithoutit!
Ifyoulovetheperson,yourenergywillbetransformed.Ifyoudon’tlovetheperson,thendrop
out.Ifyoulovetheperson,theenergyhasachancenowtotransformtoahigherreality.Usethat
opportunity.Andnaggingisnotgoingtohelp.Itwillmakeeverythingmoreuglyanditwilldojust
theoppositeofwhatyouwant.Moneyisnotimportant...anditmaybejustatricktocontrol.
BelovedofMyHeart 4
 CHAPTER1.THEOTHERISNEVERRESPONSIBLE
[Oshosaidthattheycouldeitherbehereforlonger,bothinconflict,unhappy,orstayashortertime
morehappily.]
Justseethepoint.Itisaquestionofquality,notofquantity.Howmanydaysyouarehereis
irrelevant.Youmaybehereforonlyoneday,butifyouarereallywithmeandhappyandcelebrat-
ing,that’senough.Thatwillchangeyourwholelife.
Andthisishowthingsgo.Ifyouaretoomiserly,hewillspendtoomuchbecausethatwillbecome
justanactofbeingfree.Hewillshowyouthatyoucannotcontrolhim.Ifyoudon’tcontrolhim,he
himselfmayunderstandthatheisunnecessarilywastingmoney.Butlethimsee!
Womenareverymoney-minded;moreinterestedinthematerialpartoflife,andtheymissmany
things.That’swhyyoudon’tseegreatwomenpoets,greatwomenpainters,greatwomensaints.
Theyaremoreinterestedinordinarythings.Anythingthathasaqualitativedimensionseems
meaninglesstothem.Moneywillbemoremeaningfulthanmusic.Theymissmuch.Theythink
thattheyareverypractical;theyarenot.Thisisthemostabsurdpracticalitythereis–tolosequality
forquantity.
Tellhimthatwhatsoeverhefeelslike,todo,andthatyoucanbehereforasmanydaysaspossible,
butletthesedaysbebeautiful.Sometimesevenasinglemomentcanbesuchatransformation.
Therearemanypeoplewhochoosequantity,whowouldliketoliveahundredyears,neverthinking
whethertheirlifehasanythingtolivefor,whetheranythingiscomingoutoftheirlife,flowering.Just
livingforahundredyearsismeaningless....
[OshorecountedanincidentinEmerson’slifewhen,attheageofsixty,hewasaskedhisageby
oneofhispeers.
Emersonrepliedthathewasthreehundredandsixty;Themanrepeatedhisquestion,thinking
Emersonmusthavemisheardhim.Emersonsaidthat,likethequestioner,hewassixty,buthehad
livedthreehundredandsixtyyearsinthosesixtyyears.Hewassayingthathehadlivedaqualitative
life.]
Itispossibletolivethreehundredyearsinthreeseconds,becausewhenyoumoveinthequalitative
dimension,thedimensionofquality,intensityistheonlyvalue.
Behereforonemonth–butbefullyhere.Andalwaysremember,Iamnottalkingphilosophy.Iam
verypragmatic.
WhatsoeverIamsayingareverypracticalthings.Mm?Justtrytoseeit.Good!
[Anothersannyasinsays:VeryoftenwhenIamgoingtosleep,justbeforeIbecomeunconscious,
mybodyjerksandmyheartseemstobeatveryfast,andthereisafeelingoffear.]
Isthereanydisturbanceinsleep?Youfeelperfectlywellwhenyougetup?
[Thesannyasinanswers:Yes,sleepisgood.]
BelovedofMyHeart 5
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